I'm certainly no authority, but the first image strikes me as more of a re-creation of a flapper than glamour...But that's just me.
I like the lighting, especially the boa's halo all around her, and you can see everything that we need to, but the styling (hair and makeup combo) to me, is much too "modern" and is a bit off-putting because of the disparity. Additionally, the vintage glamour produced by Gil Elvgren, Earl Moran, Alberto Vargas et al (if that is what your emulation goal is) was not this sharp...It was all just a bit soft, smooth and round, just as the models were (envision an ultra-sharpened watercolor - the below is even still too sharp). I did see your mention of the black scarf, but it still seems sharp to me...
The second image is wonderful (WOW WOW eyes!), but again, IMO, the styling is just too modern for the goal.
I can't wait to see the second go!