A fine attempt. This is *such* a good try at a subject near and dear to my heart that I'm going to criticize deeper than I usually do. All of the following should come under "nitpicking." Generally, I really like the picture.
Her legs need more light: I'm assuming she's wearing hose and that's the big contrast difference, but it's disconcerting to have her face *so* bright and her legs so much darker, with her feet practically in shadow. Also, they seem to have a touch of perspective distortion caused by being too close with too short a lens, but that might be my imagination. It's definitely not very bad.
UPDATE: My wife says that her guess at what doesn't belong is the hose - she says she should be wearing stockings with garters, and that with her leg that high up they might even be visible. Also her toes would not be so nude.
Speaking of light, I might also have tried to bring the light down a bit to cut the shadow on her neck. Had I had the lighting, I might also have tried to soften the shadow on her left or else brought her arm out of it.
Her pose is generally good, but that left hand makes it look like she's holding herself up awkwardly. It needs a little more graceful posing. This might have looked nice with her chin in her right hand and her right elbow on the arm of the sofa, which would also have allowed a nice closeup, maybe. It'd be a shame to cut that dress or those legs, but it would make a nice crop and allow you to cut out the length of empty sofa. I also agree about the picture frames - lose 'em.
The expression is great: I'm assuming her eyes are naturally low-lidded. I would have tried to get her to open them just a bit more just to see what happened: if it made her look surprised, I'd have gone with this look, more than likely. Serene and somewhat imperious, which suits her very exotic features. Definitely the right angle for this model: a 45 degree profile shows this sort of face well while still leaving it some definition - straight on or 90 degrees might make it look too flat, especially with hard, direct lighting.
The earrings and the hair are great - well, the hair could be a bit smoother - and I can't find anything wrong with the dress. The shoes I'm iffy on but that is *purely* a matter of taste. This outfit seems to call for something a little strappier.
I would have given the candles on the bar a miss: they don't add anything to the picture and the floating lights are distracting from the model. As far as what "doesn't belong," I'm drawing a blank, unless it's that barbeque-grill looking thing to camera left. (I had to put the pic into PS and crank up the bright/contrast to see what it was. Is it a stool of some kind?)
Keep 'em coming!
M
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