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Heard or Read a Good one Lately???
Old 03-22-2009, 12:01 AM   #1 (permalink)
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post it I need a good laugh!!!


A couple had been married for 50 years.


They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.
'

'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.
'

'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.
'

Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.


'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.
'

'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.
'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
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Re: Heard or Read a Good one Lately???
Old 03-22-2009, 06:32 AM   #2 (permalink)
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I photographed a 50th wedding anniversary dinner a couple years ago. It was a group of about sixty family and friends, and everyone there was having a good time, except the old groom, who just sat at his table looking sad. I went over and asked him what the problem was.

He looked at me and would just say, "I could be free now. I could be free now."

I asked, "What do you mean?"

He said, "A long time ago, when my wife's father caught us together behind the barn, and said that if I didn't marry his daughter, I would go to jail for fifty years..... I could be free now!"
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Re: Heard or Read a Good one Lately???
Old 03-22-2009, 10:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TomRobin View Post
... I would go to jail for fifty years..... I could be free now!"
That brought a chuckle.

My parents will be celebrating 55 years this summer and I'm always amazed at the longevity of their and their friends' marriages. Not like their kids'. I wonder how they do it.

An elderly wife decides to spice up her husband's life and when he returns from his walk greets him at the door without a stitch on. As he enters she asks, "Well what do you think?". He takes a measured look and says, "Needs ironing".
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Re: Heard or Read a Good one Lately???
Old 03-23-2009, 09:09 PM   #4 (permalink)
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A couple decided on their 50th wedding anniversary to go back to the cottage where they spent their honeymoon. After dinner, the hubby is laying in bed and the wife comes out of the bathroom wearing the same lingerie she did fifty years earlier...

She says "Honey, do you remember this outfit.."?

He says "I sure do..."

She says "What were you thinking fifty years ago when you first saw me in this outfit...?"

He says, "I was thinkin how I wanted to f**k your brains out and suck your t its dry..."

She smiled and whispered..."and what are you thinking now..."

He says..."I succeeded..."
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Re: Heard or Read a Good one Lately???
Old 03-26-2009, 10:36 PM   #5 (permalink)
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A medical student was in the morgue one day after classes, getting a little practice in before the final exams. He went over to a table where a body was lying face down. He removed the sheet over the body and to his surprise he found a cork in the corpse's rectum. Figuring this was fairly unusual, he pulled the cork out, and to his surprise, music began playing "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..." The student was amazed, and placed the cork back in the rectum. The music stopped. Totally freaked out, the student called the Medical Examiner over to the corpse. "Look at this. This is really something!" the student told the examiner as he pulled the cork back out again. "On the road again... Just can't wait to get on the road again..."

"So what?", the Medical Examiner replied, obviously unimpressed with the student's discovery. "But isn't that the most amazing thing you've ever seen?" asked the student.

"Are you kidding?" replied the Examiner, "Any asshole can sing country music."
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Re: Heard or Read a Good one Lately???
Old 03-26-2009, 10:37 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Two elderly men were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.

"I didn't sleep with my wife before I was married." said one man self-rightiously. "Did you?"

The other man replied. "I don't know, what was her maiden name?"
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