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Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-23-2006, 09:09 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Satire repost from my friend Octavio at winkytiki.com

GLAMOUR PHOTOGRAPHER

All you need to know to become a glamour photographer

I've been approached many times by many on advise on how to become a "photographer"-glamour type, specifically.

I'll assume that they want the "cliff's note" version-without training, talent nor even going thru the tortures of assisting...Hmm..well guess what?

IT IS POSSIBLE!!

YES, YOU TOO CAN BE A HOTSHOT SHOOTER IN LESS THAN A MONTH!


this is what you do:

- you gotta have a camera, the bigger the better. The latest Digital camera with all the oversized accessories you don't even need attached will give you the PRO look. Make sure its got fully AUTO functions coz you'll need them.

-Go to Glamour and Import car shows, bring your gigantor camera and have a buddy take pictures of you with the promo girls while holding your camera, the more the better- then post them in your myspace profile.This definitely gives the impression that youre very well connected and that models love you.

-Go to Craigs list, the freeloader's heaven, Find a few aspiring models that will pose for free-theres plenty there..dont matter if they look like a horse..its all about the free skin. then arrange a photoshoot. Maybe you may have a friend that actually has a job and a nice house and will let you shoot there. If not, a motel room will do...If the models are skeptical, tell them its for that "raw edgy urban look".

-Get a cracked version of Photoshop and learn glamour retouching...it only takes 10 minutes! and you can give all your models that flawless look that will make them look like a bar of soap. It will raise their self esteem and theyll refer you to their other pitfaced friends who could use some instant therapy.

- poor lighting, bad composition and ****ty photos overall can all be masked by cranking the saturation,color balance and and curves to max. So dont worry about the photography, Its only secondary.

-after 3 shoots, open a portfolio on "model mayhem" and "one model place", its only a few bucks. And make sure you check the "limited TFP" box..after all you are a very busy commercial shooter now. This will put you in the high demand category...Dont matter if your photos suck.It's all bout laying the bait.

-Go to myspace and invite only the prettiest girls, asian import models,glamour models and all other shameless self promoters....like you, to be part of your network.Now remember those import show photos? use them to your advantage, chances are youll see the girls here too, so post them all over so other girls think youre buddies with them...Dont forget to leave comments bi-weekly on everybodys profiles. Use the words "hun", "sweetie", and "doll" freely- it'll give you that daddy charm-

- Start a live Journal so others will get to know your human, personal side. Once in a while post photos of yourself in moody even pseudo erotic situations so models will think they have a connection with you. Make up a torturous past and how you've ovecome personal obstacles thru your photos. Now this brings you up a notch into the "artist" category.

- this is just the beginning of a lifestyle! and most importantly: Dont forget your Bandana!
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Re: Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-23-2006, 09:15 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Hey, all I need to do then is hurry up and wait for my D200 to arrive, slap on my 300mm f2.8 lens and I'll be in!! Whooo Hooooo!! I was also thinking that at the same time, I'll get out one of my old comic books and in the back they have ads for getting a beautiful, muscular body with the Charles Atlas Dynamic Tension system. No more big guys kicking sand in MY face, dammit. Gosh, with my new camera and my new body, what model WOULDN'T want me and what magazine wouldn't want to publish me because I have a new digital D200 and a big lens? The big lens is only compensation, don't ya know. They say guys with big lenses have small...well, never mind. Bad mental image.

Yipeee!! I'm going to be a world famous commercial shooter who has models drooling all over me in only 30 days with Charles Atlas and this new easy road to riches as a glamour photographer!!!

Good day!

Mike

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Re: Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-23-2006, 09:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Dude that is so MEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee .... I am in!!!!!!
Finally ... I am bonafide!!!!!!!
dK
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Re: Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-24-2006, 02:39 AM   #4 (permalink)
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I like the points, BUT, the one that scares me is the "Photography is only secondary" phrase! To me, thats like a NASCAR driver not setting up a car before a race, but, waiting to fix it as the race goes along.
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Re: Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-24-2006, 09:02 AM   #5 (permalink)
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You do know that this is a JOKE right?
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Re: Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-24-2006, 10:02 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Enjoyed the original.

Enjoyed the response even more, particularly your response to the response.

[img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/crazy.gif[/img] [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
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Re: Want to know how to become a sucessful Glamour Photographer?
Old 02-24-2006, 11:26 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Dang, I'm always bringin up the rear, ok sign me up. One thing is missing. Driving up in a sporty stick shift. Make doesn't matter just that it looks reeeeeeeeeel expensive, but then I'd have to learn how to dirve a stick. Uggggggg so little to do and sooooo much time to do it.
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I knew it!
Old 02-24-2006, 01:45 PM   #8 (permalink)
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I am so totally gonna be rich and famous!
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YOu forgot ...
Old 02-24-2006, 04:30 PM   #9 (permalink)
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the safari jacket ...... got to have one of those!!!!! Logo gear .....as well!!

For the real styler .... white shorts, black shirt, black cap, black hiking boots!! Wait that is dK styling!!!!! [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]
dK [img]/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]
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