I think you handled it in the most diplomatic way possible, there just was not much else you could have done.
I almost had a somewhat similar situation, but had a pre shot sit down with both tbe model/client and her husband. I noted she said essentially nothing during the meeting. When I looked at her and asked her a direct question, she looked away and he answered, "She thinks ...", "She wants ..." and so on. After about a half hour of this t was pretty obvious to me that 'he' wanted pretty raucus hard core stuff and she wanted no part of it, but wouldn't or couldn't say so.
He got pretty pissed when I said I thought they should find another photographer, that I was not convinced the shoot was a good idea. As he took her by the hand and headed her the door, she turned while he could not see her and quicly mouthed "Thank you!".
I've done countles shoots as surprise gifts for husbands, boy friends, etc and have never been aware of any problems. Many of the guys who were recipients of the gift photos either called or emailed me with their thanks, including one email from a GI in Iraq.
When a woman chooses one of those controll freaks as their SO, there just isn't much a photographer can do.
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